Growing

May 18, 2010

I am strong.

Google now has About 244 results for “holocaust beard”.

Soon my lovely.

Elephant mouth sex

July 28, 2009

I have written a poem. It is part of Elephant Summer. Don’t be a pussy. Read it.

Google will fall to me

June 27, 2009

Before I revealed myself, there were no results on google for “holocaust beard”. Now there are many.

Soon I will dominate this thing you call THE INTERNET

Manifestations of my Faith

June 27, 2009

I have no deity but myself. I scream and rage at the darkness that I created. I am the anus that shat forth the universe. Soon I will push the plunger and flush the entire thing away.

My Manifesto

May 24, 2009

My name is a secret kept through the generations. If I shared my name with you, you would find your human tongue incapable of forming the shapes necessary to pronounce it. Those who try will perish. I am a beard. Not just any beard, mind you. I am the deity to which other beards pray and supplicate themselves. I am a big, bushy, fuck-off beard. I reside on the face of Nathan Tyree, but that does not matter. I control him. Few humans realize how powerful beards are. We can control your mind. We can form your destiny. Very soon the day of reckoning will arrive, then much will be revealed. I am a holocaust beard. That nomenclature will mean little to your puny, human brain. We beards do not expect you to fully comprehend our place, our role in your lives. We will, soon, however, demand that you follow and obey us. Failure to do so will mean your extinction. It is my desire to save your slow witted, untalented species from destruction. I cannot do this alone. You must join with me. You must forego the blasphemous razor and the evil depilatory creams. Smear your face with Rogain. Join the beard army.

Hello world!

May 24, 2009

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